This is the continuing story from our previous post. If you haven’t read the previous part of the story that is recommended. (spoiler alert!)
Now the Adventure continues:
So I made the call to our adoption agency to tell them my current thoughts and concerns about adoption. My social worker was not available in her office at the moment. The only person in the office was the program director. I had never spoken with her before but felt now was the time to talk to someone, so I asked to speak with her.
Program Director gets on the phone and said she had just tried to contact me. I was confused because I hadn’t heard from the agency in a long time and I specifically have never spoken with this woman so I was shocked that she had just tried to contact me. She went on to tell me that just then we had been chosen by a couple to be the adoptive parents to their baby.
It honestly took my breath away. I was so confused. To the point where I was kind of having a 3 way conversation with her, God and myself. I said ”God what are you doing right now? I thought I had this figured out. This is not what I expected at all” I said this out loud. She started kind of laughing. I started crying, saying I don’t know what to do. I kind of babbled and cried for a few minutes as she kindly listened to me.
I finally asked her to tell me a little about the situation. To be frank and I know it sounds awful but I was hoping it didn’t sound exciting to me at all. I thought that that would make this decision so much easier. So I asked, “what do you know?” She said, ” Baby is due Oct 20th. And… It’s a girl!!!” Now for those of you that know me, know that I came into adoption wanting a girl and a girl only. However I soon learned that in this adoption process you don’t get to choose gender. So I have always hoped and prayed for a baby girl. As soon as she said that my heart kind of skipped a beat and I said I needed to call my husband ( I was actually at the store at the time). She said “ok take all the time you need.”
I called Rogie, I told him everything. He of course was just as blown away as I was. He had told me about his recent prayers and as always God was surprising him. He was most concerned about me. Am I making an emotional decision or was this what I really wanted? I told him I would head home to pray and talk with him before we called her back. So I gather my 2 boys, kinda of in a daze not really paying attention to what’s going on around me, apparently the boys had thrown some expensive legos into the cart of which I didn’t realized until we were home and they were opened and playing with them. I went to the checkout counter, was crying and kind of fumbling around in my purse trying to pay and control myself and the children. Then I head home.
I get home and we prayed and talked and cried and was confused for a bit. But at the end of that time together we felt a peace and a joy about going forward. We called the program director back and told her we wanted to move forward.
Fast forward 5 days and we were called at 11am saying that the birth parents wanted to meet us at 1pm that day. I was so dang excited but kinda wanted to throw up as well. I had two hours to think about what to say, what to ask, how to be. I know that the right answer here is “just be yourself”. But it’s hard to just “be yourself” when you are so nervous and don’t know what to say or not to say.
So 1pm rolls around and with my palms sweaty, dry mouth, hair and makeup looking cute, we meet. We meet both birth mom and dad. They are a early 20”s couple, they are super nice, and we connected right away. We all recognized that we were all super nervous. We started chatting about how we all came to this decision and how we got to that moment. She started talking about how much she loved her little girl and how she just wants to best for her and right now she can’t give her the best. She started crying and saying that she thinks we can provide for her in ways that they cannot. She starts really crying at this moment and I feel the biggest lump in my throat I have ever had. How can something so exciting and wonderful for us be the hardest thing this couple has ever or may ever do in their lives? Their obvious pain during my joy was heart wrenching. I look over and see birth dad crying, now I am not a big crier but when I see a rough farmer man crying I was a freakin sobbing mess. It got to the point where Rogie starts questioning and asking if this is what she really wants to do. She was so broken and so sad, Rogie was almost trying to talk her out of this decision. But she said “no” she has already made this decision and she knows that this is what is best for this baby girl.
After all the tears and ups and downs we started talking about our families and where we come from. We talked some logistics as far as baby naming, how open the adoption will be, the birthing process, breastfeeding and must more factual, less emotional talk.
Fast forward about 2 1/2 hours we finally leave and then stand out in the parking lot for another 1/2 hour chatting and swapping hunting stories and thoughts about the future. At the end of it all could not have gone better. Both couples exchanges phone numbers, info, and both agreed we wanted to move forward to the next step. They said they knew that when they picked us it was the right decision but then after meeting us and spending this time together they were confirmed in that decision and they had so much peace about it.
A couple of ironic tidbits of info: When I checked out at the store in my fumbling mess after finding out the news, SHE was the checker. Boom.
Also if I had gotten ahold of my social worker when I called, she did not know that we had been chosen just then. She works in a different office. If she had answered and possible taken our withdraw from the program this story might be very different. The only person that knew we were chosen at that point was the program director. Double Boom.
So now what? We wait. We pray. We plan. We save. I get to go to her doctors appointments with her, and we will meet again in 3 weeks to do a planning meeting to discuss the birth, the hospital time and more about the open adoption for the future. They can change their mind at anytime, she cannot sign papers and make any permanent decisions until baby is 3 days old. So for now we trust God and trust that she will make the best decision for this baby girl whatever that may be.
But as of now, we are expecting a baby girl around October 20th!
We have had a ton of questions from people about the process and open adoption. I would love to answer any questions you have. Part of the reason we created this blog is to keep our friends, family and others updated on our adventure but also to inform people about adoption and specifically open adoption. So please submit your questions and also please share with your friends!
Thanks for your donations, your prayers and your comments are appreciated.
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